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Oceans

This summer I started singing this song. As I sang it with all my heart I asked myself did I really mean the lyrics, did I understand the magnitude of being led beyond what I knew or trusted. In the moment I thought of course, what could possibly be worse then the things I’ve been through…whether trekking through the jungles of Papua New Guinea or protecting myself from loved ones… of course. What else could possibly come my way…

Little did I know that in my womb was journey that would take me here…to the great unknown. Where my feet have failed and fear has surrounded…far beyond the borders of my trust. As the countdown ends I sing this still, with more of my heart because His grace has abounded in deepest waters. His sovereign hand has been my guide each and everyday… even the days I didn’t feel it.

My faith has been made stronger in the constant presence of my Savior.

For the next 5 days I will continue to call upon His Name and keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in His embrace because at the end of this…whether my arms are empty or wrapped around my baby girl…
I am His…
And He is mine.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

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Here’s my heart Lord…

I think one thing that has really stuck out to me this week is just how fragile anything in this world is and how really the only thing that matters, the only thing that will survive in the end is my relationship with the Lord. For eternity I’m His, that blows my mind. As much as I cling to this life and all it has- it’s short, fleeting and not necessarily meant for my comfort. Sure, children are a blessing but not a guarantee, my husband is great but he could choose to leave (especially if I don’t do the dishes more), our house could burn down, our ministry could end, etc. Nothing in this world lasts except my heart and God’s heart. And how I relate to Him in spite of life actually matters. How I view His heart when life is good or when calamity strikes matters.
I’ve been listening to a David Crowder song call ‘Here’s My Heart’, it gutted me yesterday. The lyrics that hit me were ‘You’re all I have, You’re everything, here’s my heart, speak what is true.’ Come February that is all that matters. In the midst of the most trying time of my life He really is everything. So my hearts cry is that I hear Him ‘speak what is true’. Speak what is true, what is eternal, what life really is, what endures, what is good. Speak truth louder than this diagnosis. I want to know His heart and what He thinks and not what I decipher from my circumstance. I pray that at the end of this, no matter the outcome I can still say ‘You’re all I have, You’re everything, Here’s my heart Lord, speak what is true.’

David Crower Passion 2013
Here’s my heart Lord,
Here’s my heart Lord
Here’s my heart Lord,
Speak what is true

‘Cause I am found, I am Yours
I am loved, I’m made pure
I have life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free

Here’s my heart Lord,
Here’s my heart Lord
Here’s my heart Lord,
Speak what is true

‘Cause I am found, I am Yours
I am loved, I’m made pure
I have life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free

‘Cause You are strong, You are sure
You are life, You endure
You are good, always true
You are light breaking through

Here’s my heart Lord,
Here’s my heart Lord
Here’s my heart Lord,
Speak what is true

Here’s my life Lord,
Here’s my life Lord
Here’s my life Lord,
Speak what is true
Speak what is true
Speak what is true

I am found, I am Yours
I am loved, I’m made pure
I have life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free

‘Cause You are strong, You are sure
You are life, You endure
You are good, always true
You are light breaking through

You are more than enough
You are here, You are love
You are hope, You are grace
You’re all I have, You’re everything

Here’s my heart Lord,
Here’s my heart Lord
Here’s my heart Lord,
Speak what is true

Here’s my life Lord,
Here’s my life Lord
Here’s my life Lord,
Speak what is true
Speak what is true
Speak what is true

Rise Up by Beyonce

This weekend we watched Epic. Yes, a cheesy kids movie! The end was a Beyonce song which I’m normally not a fan but these lyrics stirred my heart. I started singing it to her when I feel her kick and summersault around.

“Fight for you and me
Look into my eyes and believe
Little woman we will fight, we will fight
Little woman we will fight, we will rise
I see you and me
Take my hand and we
We will stand, we will fight, we will fight
We will stand and together we will rise

Rise up, rise up little man
Don’t be scared I’m holding your hand
Know that life holds more than
What we see and what we get

Rise up, rise up little woman
Don’t be afraid to risk it all
Know that life holds more than
What we see and what we get, I will

Fight for you and me
Look into my eyes and believe
Little woman we will fight, we will fight
Little woman we will fight, we will rise
I see you and me
Take my hand and we
We will stand, we will fight, we will fight
We will stand and together we will rise”

Reason to Sing

When the pieces seem to shatter
To gather off the floor
And all that seems to matter
Is that I don’t feel you anymore
No I don’t feel you anymore
I need a reason to sing
I need a reason to sing
I need to know that You’re still holding
The whole world in Your hands
I need a reason to sing
When I’m overcome by fear
And I hate everything I know
If this waiting lasts forever
I’m afraid I might let go
I’m afraid I might let go
Oh Oh Oh
I need a reason to sing
I need a reason to sing
I need to know that You’re still holding
The whole world in Your hands
I need a reason to sing
Yeah
Will there be a victory
Will You sing it over me now
Oh
Your peace is the melody
You sing it over me now
Oh Lord
Will there be a victory
Will You sing it over me now
Oh Lord
Your peace is the melody
You sing it over me now
I need a reason to sing
I need a reason to sing
I need to know that You’re still holding
The whole world in Your hands
That is a reason to sing

I will sing sing sing to my God my King for all else fades away.

I will love love love with this heart you made for You’ve been good always.

Give me back my stuff.

On Thursday, the day before our first ultrasound Nick and I were in our Sozo class and were shown a video by Graham Cooke. He explains that in this vision he is sitting on a hillside when Jesus walks up to him shouting “Graham! Give me back my stuff!” In reverence Graham looks back at Jesus “Jesus, you know that everything I have is yours. Everything I am is because of You.” Jesus replies “No Graham, give me back my stuff.” Confused Graham asks “What do you mean give you back your stuff? You can have anything, it’s all yours. Want my time, my  money, my relationships, it’s all yours” Jesus looks at Graham and says “No Graham give me back my stuff!”  Graham asks “What do you mean, Lord?”  Jesus looks in his eyes and says “Graham all that anger, self-hatred, condemnation, anxiety, it’s all mine, I want you to give it back to me. I paid for sin on the cross, which means I own it, it’s mine. You can’t have it. It’s not yours to carry. I paid for it, I want it back.”

He paid the highest price for my worry, fear and ‘stuff’, I don’t want it back. We both clung to this all weekend and will continue to do so.

I Can Feel You by Jenn Johnson & Bethel Music

The wind and waves surround me
And I’m tossed, Feel like I’m drowning
I am tired, I am weak
I need you here with me
‘Cause I can feel the rising tide
But I don’t have the strength to fight
I feel clouded and confused
I need you here with me

Chorus:-
In thechaos of the storm
I have drifted far; far away
But I call out your name
‘Cause you are just a breath
A breath away

Then through the shadows
Your light appears
I’ve known you’re with me
But now it is clear
I can feel you
Jesus All around

Like sun on my skin
Warm to the touch
Here you surround me
I am held by love
I can feel you
Jesus all around

Now hope is rushing through my veins
With everything you’ve rearranged
I am peaceful; I am brave
When you’re here with me

All my questions find their answers here
When you come you change the atmosphere
I am focused; I am clear
When you’re here with me
Chorus…
Bridge:-
There is nothing in this world
That will satisfy my soul like you do (2)

Then through the shadows
You’re light appears
I’ve known you’re with me
But now its is clear
I can feel you
Jesus all around
Like sun on my skin
Warm to the touch
Here you surround me
I am held by love
I can feel you
Jesus all around

Though the storm it rages
I won’t be moved
I won’t be shaken
I’m anchored in you
I can feel you
Jesus all around