I have been meaning to write since last Thursday, or at least from this weekend. I have so much to say and feel so overwhelmed with love and support that my heart is actually on the verge of shut down. The amount of encouragement and prayers from hundreds and HUNDREDS of people from all over the world has been remarkable. The Corporate prayer and fasting event last Thursday & Friday had an amazing turnout from friends, family, friends of friends in different states, strangers. People fasted that had never fasted, people prayed that don’t normally pray. One new Christian told Nick he fasted from coffee those two days. I’m pretty sure that counts for double points in heaven 😉 Anyways, the response for Leilah has been more than incredible- I can’t THANK YOU ENOUGH.
This journey has been so covered with His grace and we have the body of Christ to thank. Prayers avail much. A couple times people have used the illustration of Moses in Exodus 17, he was unable to keep his arms raised during the battle so Aaron and Hur gave him a rock to sit on and they held his arms until victory was reached. We knew at the beginning of this that we would need all the prayer and support we could get. We certainly didn’t expect this much though. I want to honor each and everyone for the courage it takes to pray, to believe, to hope…it hasn’t been for the faint of heart. Faith is spelled R I S K. You’ve risked your heart, your faith in this. SO please hear my heart, thank you!
At the beginning of this when we were first diagnosed in September I wasn’t praying for healing. I was praying to survive. To make it until February alive with a marriage and a faith still intact. Someone told me they were praying for her healing and I wept and said I can’t, if I do and she doesn’t live I wouldn’t survive the disappointment. You see unbelief was the safer choice because it takes no risk but it almost always gets what it expects. I expected Him to fail me. It wasn’t until Bobby Connor laid hands on my tummy that I had even the slightest bit of hope to think healing was a possibility. That God encounter instilled courage in my heart to hope. Now looking back at the last 5 months that has been the theme, Courage to Hope.
It has challenged my understanding of God. How big do I think He is? Do I really believe that nothing is impossible for Him? I know He created the heavens and the earth but do I think He could craft her skull? I sing songs about His greatness and splendor but deep in my heart the things I secretly hope for speak the loudest about who I really think He is and what He is capable of. By not hoping I was saying no God, I think anencephaly is bigger than you; I don’t think you can be trusted with my heart, my hope, the aftermath…
So it’s been a choice to hope, to risk it all, to be unsafe, to believe what the Bible says- that His arm is not too short and that He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.
I don’t want to go to heaven and see all that could have been if only I had asked or dared to hope for more. We have not because we ask not. So I ask. I ask this ridiculous question. God would you do a miracle in Leilah. As medically impossible as it seems- she’s missing most of her head for goodness sakes but I know that it’s not a hard thing for Him to do.
I don’t know what the answer will be. I saw so many healings and miracles this past weekend I’m still reeling – I can’t deny His power, and I choose to trust His heart.
Friend, family, strangers that have come along on this journey… My heart is that in the very least praying for Leilah will start a ripple of hope in your heart and that it would end in a tidal wave of possibilities. Maybe you have a broken relationship, sickness or financial difficulties- whatever situation you’re struggling with that seems impossible- I pray that you are filled with divine courage to hope. To believe that when we partner with the Almighty anything is possible. That we honor Him with our prayers and dreams that are beyond us. That we walk courageously in all that was attained at the cross. That we refuse to settle on what we understand and have experienced but believe and hope in Him with reckless abandon.
Since this weekend I feel a fire burning in my heart. An excitement to see Him show up regardless of the outcome. He will not fail whether she lives or dies. When God is on our side it’s a win/win. Though loss will hurt I know the Heart of my Father and it is Good, He is always worthy of my hope.
“Bold prayers honour God, and God honours bold prayers. God isn’t offended by your biggest dreams or boldest prayers. He is offended by anything less. If you’re prayers aren’t impossible to you, they are insulting to God. Why? Because they don’t require divine intervention” Mark Batteson, The Circle Maker
“Never lose consciousness of the God that invades the impossible.” Bill Johnson